Stupid Questions

I could make a regular entry with this title . . . so I take my daughter to the doctor this morning because her right eye is obviously infected and it looks like a dinosaur sneezed all over the right side of her face. The nurse takes a look at her and says, so, which eye is having the problem?

Am I required to be nice to people who are so obviously morons, and if so, why?

My dad is very fond of the word "moron." He has always made a point of yelling it often while driving. He does not believe in the use of obscene gestures, so I'm not sure where I picked up that habit.

Midgets

I am afraid of midgets. I admit it. I am terrified of the creatures, and freeze, trying desperately to breathe, when I see one in person. On film, it's pretty bad, too, but at least I know they can't get close to me.

At the pool last weekend, my daughter ran and jumped in the deep end, and as I made to follow, I saw someone, something, run past me and jump in. My daughter's eyes grew wide as she looked sideways at it, then up at me. I could see that she was trying not to laugh. Yes, it was a midget. They let one in? How could they do such a thing? I was stuck to the cement, trying not to hyperventilate. She kept an eye on it as it swam over to the side and climbed out. I ran and jumped in and told my daughter that we had to go swim at the other end of the deep part of the pool. She started laughing but closed her mouth when I gave her a nasty look.

It could have been worse - if her brother had been there, he would have started yelling, "Look, Mom, I think we know him. Do you know him? Should we say hi?" He takes great pleasure in my irrational fears, particularly the midget and ketchup ones. This is why animals eat their young.

Ten Simple Things

Saw this on rxBambi's blog - seemed like an easy enough way to wrap up the work day before heading home to the treadmill and the kids. And cat friends and chinchillas, too, of course.

1. The ice cream truck. The whole business of it - hearing it before we see it, racing to dig up change, and running outside with the neighborhood kids to pick out something sweet and cold. Of course, I do this with my daughter - I'm not running around out there by myself. Not that I wouldn't without her, though.

2. Petting my cats at the end of a long day.

3. Good coffee. Skim milk, no sugar. Especially in the middle of a cold winter.

4. Conversations with my chinchillas. Don't ask.

5. Reading while on the treadmill.

6. Iced tea with lemon.

7. Just lemons.

8. Sleeping with my daughter -she is warm and soft and still likes me.

9. The really obnoxious comic at the back of m magazine. I always color copy it and keep them in a purple folder.

10. Watching races with my dad. I will never be to old for that.

Networking

A former boss of mine used to go out of his way to pee in the 'executive' restroom on the floor above us. I asked him why he would make this effort, especially in an emergency. He smiled smugly and said, "networking." Gross. Haiku inspiration!

Urinating in

the executive restroom -

It's called networking.

I hate this Burger King guy - he scares me. There are always a lot of Burger King commercials during the NASCAR races, and I have to cover my eyes.

Strange Likes

I adore Sheldon on Big Bang Theory - and I am crazy about the narrator of the Powerpuff Girls. His sarcasm is so hot.

Library Questions

This guy calls today and says he is fighting with his friends. And how is this my problem? He wants me to find out if Ryan Gosling is alive or dead. That's easy, I tell him, the boy is alive. No, you need to check, check something, I need to be sure, he gasps desperately. I pull up IMDB and lo and behold, yes, the boy is alive and kicking. I don't think the guy on the phone is very happy. He says that his friends are mad at him because he is arguing over this with them - and it is now settled, but not in his favor.

It could be worse - I had a patron downtown who was mad because we didn't have a copy of "Adventures in a Japanese Bath" and we were not planning on purchasing a copy in the future.

Wally's and Annoyances

Six small things that make me cranky, inspired by Hit 40:

1. Competition yellows.

2. Small noises - humming, clicking, tapping, etc. I will hurt you if you do any of these around me. Sighs included.

3. Chattering. Shut up already.

4. Perky people.

5. Sticky anything.

6. Stupidity. No patience for morons.

Oh, six already? I think I could continue . . .

This photo is for Hit 40 - Wally Waffle in Tallmadge, on its last legs.