Grandpa's Girl

She looks just like my dad, and just like my dad, she is psyched about the race next Tuesday at Sharon. We will get to watch our boy Tony race, in person, for the first time!

Tomorrow my baby turns 18. I feel like I just had him . . . will post old-timey pics tomorrow. Hit 40 may recognize them. I should post some from her wedding, which took place six weeks after I had him. I was in it, too. Off my rocker, I tell you. Ha ha ha.

Glad Hit 40 likes my cat pics. Maybe that will keep her off my back for awhile.

via BlackBerry

Steel Drum Workshop

This is the kind of great programs public libraries in Ohio offer . . . so I work at one branch of the library system, and take my kids to the other branches for programs, too. My B is in the green shirt.

Swimfest!

Swimfest! Mine is on the right.

via BlackBerry

Library Haiku, Part 1

This is for Hit 40, who may not be considering the downside to libraryland:

Ten bucks, no kidding

He offers for a blow job.

I'll call a guard, free.

Now, this was when I worked at the main library downtown - I am at a branch now, in a very conservative neighborhood with an older population, which is perfect for me - but is representative of some of the more uh, sticky situations one might find sitting at a public service desk at a library. I sat at the teen desk downtown when a homeless man from a nearby shelter stopped by to make the above offer. The officer on the phone at the security desk laughed and told me that the going rate for downtown Akron was $25. My son, top left with the box on his head, said, hey, you should ask for fifty. Nice. My own son is trying to pimp me out for the price of a video game.

Knot Tying

Last night at work a man came in and asked for books on 'knot tying' for his son, who is a Boy Scout and wants to practice for a badge. I had a vague idea where such books might be (600s?) but thought I would make use of technology and typed 'knot tying' in the catalog as a keyword search. My surprise at the results must have been evident, because the man asked "what?" before I could tell him what was on the screen in front of me.

Twelve books on gay marriage. Yep, that's right. For some ungodly reason, the catalog read 'knot tying' as marriage, and took another step to specify 'gay marriage.' I knew that this was not what the poor man wanted, so I fooled around with the search a bit and walked him over the the shelf and the books. Before he left he wanted to know, really, what was on the screen, because I hadn't told him when he asked the first time.

I told him. He was cracking up all through the checkout process and out the door.

[Photo: my daughter is in the tiara. These are the neighbor boys, who cross dress rather well, don't you think?]

Six Uninteresting Things

I was tagged by Pastor Sharon to list six uninteresting things that I like, so here goes:

1. Henry James - I think he's interesting, but no one else does. It's pretty bad when I know more about him and his work than any of my teachers do.

2. Buttons - my grandma had a button tin, and I inherited it. No one else wanted it, so there was no question of my taking it. She told me to take it when she was dying, but I wasn't going to haul it off while she was still breathing - that would not have been cool. There are a zillion different buttons in there, collected over a good fifty year period. I used to take them out and play with them when I was a child, and I still do, usually when I am missing her more than usual.

3. Lemons - I adore them. I need them. I started craving them when I was pregnant with my son and I still love them. I eat the whole lemon, like everyone else would eat an apple. Skin and all. They are my Prozac. As soon as I finish this post, I am running out to Quizno's for my fifty cent iced tea refill, with all the lemons I can fit in the cup.

4. Literary agency - the history and nature of literary agency is a huge part of my doctoral dissertation. I'm in bed with it 24/7. Move over, Henry James.

5. NASCAR - Not uninteresting, but I can't think of anything else to write. Of course I find everything that I think is interesting interesting, so it's hard for me to think of something that might be uninteresting. People are often surprised at my affection for racing, so that's why I am including it.

6. Chinchillas - I adore my giant mouse friends!

Letterman's Big Breadstick

The big L lost his breadstick - Olive Garden ditched him after he ran his mouth about Sarah Palin's daughter. What a dirtbag. You wouldn't catch him saying anything against the little girls in the White House - and I would never advocate that sort of behavior towards children regardless of their parents' political stance - but for some reason, he felt it was appropriate to attack a teenage girl because he does not like her mother. Shame on you, Dave. I know this is a bit old, but the Olive Garden announcement just came out - so that's new.

Since writing this, I noticed that OG denies pulling ads from the Letterman show, but does not say they will continue to purchase ads for the next season. Apparently they had no more ads scheduled anyway, so this gives them time to bow out gracefully. No fun in that, is there?

Seriously - if someone made nasty jokes about my daughter, I'd let her take the .44 out back and she'd take care of herself, then I'd show up to Clorox the back patio. I know she looks cute, but . . .

Save Ohio Libraries

Not just for us librarians and others employed by Ohio libraries, but for library users who enjoy the materials and programs, as well as the personal assistance, computers with Internet access, and meeting rooms that libraries provide. If you live in Ohio and use your local library, call Governor Strickland at 614-466-3555 and get up in his business. Cuts will start July 1 if we don't stand up for libraries in our state - which has one of the best library systems in the country.

Dumbledore's Family Situation

Okay, so I thought Professor Dumbledore was gay - oh, wait, that's not a real person, that's a character in a children's series who, for some reason, needed his sexuality clearly defined, because we all know that eight year olds are concerned about the sex lives of the characters they read. Dumbledore's real life as Michael Gambon is clearly heterosexual, defined by two young sons with his mistress, the latest a newborn, and a middle aged son with his wife, who apparently has no problem with her husband's second family. Huh? Does the woman not have a sharp pair of scissors with which to cut the man's testicles from his body?

[Here is the B, in what we like to call the "what gun permit?" stance. She will have no trouble whatsoever dealing with male infidelity.]

Random rabidness at my 'real' blog.

Twilight Phenomenon

Just returned from the pool where I saw a huge number of women (not teenage girls) reading Twilight or one of the sequels. Last summer - okay. But still? For more of my thoughts on the TP, see here.

[This is Lucy, loving my daughter's Littlest Pet Shop collection. For those of you without a daughter, these little plastic bits and pieces feel like Hot Wheels cars when you step on them, which you inevitably do in the middle of the night when you get up to visit the bathroom]

ARCA Racing

Headed to the ARCA race(s) tomorrow afternoon for a Father's Day treat with my dad - look out, Mansfield! We're back! I wonder if I can find a ride down there - drop out of libraryland and rock it on the track. Road course race on Sunday so my daughter will be a happy girl - she loves to watch the road course races. We are taking her to Mid-Ohio in August for her first live look at a RC Indy race. Loud and dirty, just like her mama! Here is my boy Tony Stewart, winner of the All-Star Race this year, and first in the points standings so far. Take it away, Tony! It's your year, again (Cup champ in 2002 and 2005, for those of you who aren't redneck hicks like me!).

Cat Fear - and Kitlers

Last Thursday I was returning to work after my lunch break when I heard a woman screaming - no, she was screeching - in the parking lot. When I turned around to see what the problem might be, another woman beside me, with four kids in tow, started screaming back at her. The first woman was standing beside a car and throwing her arms about her head wildly. "It wants to bite me! Look at how it's looking at me - it wants to bite me!"

Both car doors were open. On the side opposite the screeching woman, a small orange and white cat sat, her tail flicking back and forth as she stared at the inside of the car. The woman's friend started hassling the screamer.

"Oh, that's right, you're a grown woman, and you're afraid of cats."

She yelled at the kids to follow her out to help her friend, who was clearly terrified. The cat started to walk around to the back of the car and the screaming increased in volume. The cat-fearing lady started running away from the car. The kids stared at her curiously, then at each other. One of them bent over and started to pet the cat, who rubbed up against him. Clearly, this was a ferocious beast.

I spent the better part of the afternoon at work imitating the woman, which seemed to amuse my coworkers. Who says being a librarian is boring?

Oh, I just saw a book on the return cart called "The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?" My .44 says, "Yes, ma'm."

Boobies

Really - I signed up at Crunchyroll this morning, and when the time came for the verification words - you know, the wobbly letters that you can sometimes see, sometimes not, and make you feel drunk - and you have to type them in the little box so the site knows that you aren't a bot or spammer or whatever - and the first verification word was . . . boobies! I ran and grabbed another librarian because I was so excited. She was equally thrilled, so I know it wasn't just me being fourteen years old (the age at which I did, in fact, stop growing emotionally and socially, and for that matter, the age at which my own boobies stopped growing at all).

Stupid Questions

I could make a regular entry with this title . . . so I take my daughter to the doctor this morning because her right eye is obviously infected and it looks like a dinosaur sneezed all over the right side of her face. The nurse takes a look at her and says, so, which eye is having the problem?

Am I required to be nice to people who are so obviously morons, and if so, why?

My dad is very fond of the word "moron." He has always made a point of yelling it often while driving. He does not believe in the use of obscene gestures, so I'm not sure where I picked up that habit.

Midgets

I am afraid of midgets. I admit it. I am terrified of the creatures, and freeze, trying desperately to breathe, when I see one in person. On film, it's pretty bad, too, but at least I know they can't get close to me.

At the pool last weekend, my daughter ran and jumped in the deep end, and as I made to follow, I saw someone, something, run past me and jump in. My daughter's eyes grew wide as she looked sideways at it, then up at me. I could see that she was trying not to laugh. Yes, it was a midget. They let one in? How could they do such a thing? I was stuck to the cement, trying not to hyperventilate. She kept an eye on it as it swam over to the side and climbed out. I ran and jumped in and told my daughter that we had to go swim at the other end of the deep part of the pool. She started laughing but closed her mouth when I gave her a nasty look.

It could have been worse - if her brother had been there, he would have started yelling, "Look, Mom, I think we know him. Do you know him? Should we say hi?" He takes great pleasure in my irrational fears, particularly the midget and ketchup ones. This is why animals eat their young.

Ten Simple Things

Saw this on rxBambi's blog - seemed like an easy enough way to wrap up the work day before heading home to the treadmill and the kids. And cat friends and chinchillas, too, of course.

1. The ice cream truck. The whole business of it - hearing it before we see it, racing to dig up change, and running outside with the neighborhood kids to pick out something sweet and cold. Of course, I do this with my daughter - I'm not running around out there by myself. Not that I wouldn't without her, though.

2. Petting my cats at the end of a long day.

3. Good coffee. Skim milk, no sugar. Especially in the middle of a cold winter.

4. Conversations with my chinchillas. Don't ask.

5. Reading while on the treadmill.

6. Iced tea with lemon.

7. Just lemons.

8. Sleeping with my daughter -she is warm and soft and still likes me.

9. The really obnoxious comic at the back of m magazine. I always color copy it and keep them in a purple folder.

10. Watching races with my dad. I will never be to old for that.

Networking

A former boss of mine used to go out of his way to pee in the 'executive' restroom on the floor above us. I asked him why he would make this effort, especially in an emergency. He smiled smugly and said, "networking." Gross. Haiku inspiration!

Urinating in

the executive restroom -

It's called networking.

I hate this Burger King guy - he scares me. There are always a lot of Burger King commercials during the NASCAR races, and I have to cover my eyes.

Strange Likes

I adore Sheldon on Big Bang Theory - and I am crazy about the narrator of the Powerpuff Girls. His sarcasm is so hot.

Library Questions

This guy calls today and says he is fighting with his friends. And how is this my problem? He wants me to find out if Ryan Gosling is alive or dead. That's easy, I tell him, the boy is alive. No, you need to check, check something, I need to be sure, he gasps desperately. I pull up IMDB and lo and behold, yes, the boy is alive and kicking. I don't think the guy on the phone is very happy. He says that his friends are mad at him because he is arguing over this with them - and it is now settled, but not in his favor.

It could be worse - I had a patron downtown who was mad because we didn't have a copy of "Adventures in a Japanese Bath" and we were not planning on purchasing a copy in the future.

Wally's and Annoyances

Six small things that make me cranky, inspired by Hit 40:

1. Competition yellows.

2. Small noises - humming, clicking, tapping, etc. I will hurt you if you do any of these around me. Sighs included.

3. Chattering. Shut up already.

4. Perky people.

5. Sticky anything.

6. Stupidity. No patience for morons.

Oh, six already? I think I could continue . . .

This photo is for Hit 40 - Wally Waffle in Tallmadge, on its last legs.